One month

In the space of about one month, I will hopefully become a parent. My son, Jacob is due to be born during the first week of April.

It is a stressful time for me but I have many coping mechanisms inside my head to help me feel less stressed. I create things such as art and videos, and I create machines inside my head that do certain things. I try to solve logical problems inside my head. People will see me and think I'm absent minded because they don't understand what is going on.

Anyway, there are many questions I have about the near future. Such as, will I give Jacob a good childhood? Will he have a long happy life? What will it mean to be a British boy growing up in the 2020's for Jacob. Will he live in a country that has been driven into poverty?  Will Jacob have a good social life and find it easy to make friends? What will Jacob value when he is an adult? What will he look like? Will he have good health? Will Jacob have good parents that steer him in all the right paths. Will his birth be straightforward and safe? So many questions, so many.

Some of my own Questions cause anxiety?

Pain

Today I went to work with a neck pain, let me explain why...

At 19:30 there was a loud noise and I turned my head very quickly. The noise came from outside, some traffic incident I believe. The rapid movement of my head caused my neck that was nearly healed to be re-injured.

Here's the problem, I said I would come for overtime and It was close to the start of my shift. I had to come because it would damage my reputation as a reliable worker. I rely on my good reputation to get overtime regularly. It would cost me a lot in the future if I didn't come. I'm at a stage in my life where I had some very large bills so I have a policy of always accepting overtime when it comes even though I work full time.

Here I am at work with pain in my neck. I took some pain killers and I am focused on the work. No one knows I am in so much pain. If they could see the true me, they would see a man in tears. A man that is fighting for completion with crippling pain.

Here is the end of January with fire and resilience. Will power and hope.

New life

I have settled down in my new home outside London. I still commute to London for work and business but London is not my home anymore. I live in a small commuter town that is a 30 minutes drive from the city, beyond the proverbial wall of London known as the M25 ring road. I am now prepreparing for my wife to join me and to create happy memories.

London has a powerful effect on the whole southern side of the Island. It is very hard to ignore. All the road signs point to London. All the train lines go to London. everything around here points to London. The geopolitical and economic gravity is felt everywhere around here. I think my island should not be like that, I think that the UK should be more balanced. It should not have a big mega city that controls everything but lots of small cities that are well developed with good transport links.

One thing I have learned about living far from my family is that you can be very focused and get things done when your only company is yourself. I am very focused on building a good future and working very hard.

I am grateful for this new life and hope for happy memories.

Departed and departing

Yesterday was the birthday of my granny that passed away. Her departure was positive in a way because she was freed from a very painful state of being. I am sure she is in a very blissful place. A place of paradise​ where joy overflows and fills all that are there. It would be nice if people could come back and tell me the wonders of the next journey.

Feeling sadness for a lost family member is nothing new to me. From a young age I had to deal with a great loss and went to school feeling very depressed. Life is short and one must reach out for meaning and reason and find happiness from within. There are often less then ten decades before it ends. I will try to make every day count.

May this short life we have be fruitful and complete.

Clear mind

One of the reasons I write this blog is to get insight into the higher purpose. I won't lie, I really do know very little about the purpose of life and why we are here.

I hope for a peaceful journey in this life. This world is filled with evil and malice. I am hoping that mankind can make progress and leave this terrible phase.

My radio is with me giving comfort but prayers are the greatest.

Five to Ten pound

The combined commission from all my publications has reached £5 (five pounds). My videos and blogs have generated the five pounds because people visit them and see the advertisements. I am grateful for strangers, family and friends for reading my blogs listening to my radio and watching my videos. I have now set a goal of double that amount. I am to make £10 as quickly as possible. Then I will aim to make £20  then £40 then £80 then £160, £320 and so on.

I have changed my cover page to the image of a ten pound note because I vision my commission becoming 10 pound. Ultimately I would like the commission to be more than my income from my job. But I must take the stairs without jumping.

I am grateful that  people are reading my blog and watching my videos because I am proud of my creations. When I have finished my second book, thousands of people will be able to see it.

Once again I say thank you because I value everyone that likes my creations.

Progress

I replaced my broken smart phone with another smart phone. I am now more productive than ever before. I make one video per day and also 2 blog posts and 3 minutes of my movie despite working 40 hours a week. I hope my wife does not mind. 

I am hopeful that my videos and all my creations will grow in popularity. I will say no more loss and defeat, only progress.

When I was a young boy, my father bought me nature magazines all about bugs. I think it was called "bugs", I think it was a fortnightly publication. I would feel excited every time a new magazine was released and would get excited about what was inside the magazine.

Today I am grateful for my strength and dreams because they are a wonderful gift. I also extend my gratitude for all my good memories because they comfort me in hard times.

Granny's a little better

Today I am grateful that I have good memories and hope to create many more soon.

I believe that Granny is a little better and hope she will leave the hospital feeling fine.

The life we live is short so every day we need to create one good memory and try to happy. I know in winter that is tricky. I go on holiday once a year and try to make the most of the time.

I try to make one thing every day and a part of one thing every day also in the hope that I will leave behind a river of light.

I am thankful my future wealth and a world the will heal itself.