I was watching a documentary netflix about a guy that tampered with his wife's parachute to cause her death and make it look like an accident, before that he tampered with the gas line in his house to blow up his family. She survived both incidents, a true miracle. Before that he abandoned his previous partner and children. I felt disgusted by the instigator. When something like that happens I look inwards at myself to see if I have any attributes that are similar.
I think I'm clear of all that. The only thing I have is I hide my emotions behind a poker face. I still feel them, it's just no one can see anything. When the till attendant a the shop pushes my food across too fast, she can't tell that I'm angry. The only thing is I won't pay until everything is packed away, the fire is there but no one can see it. I just take my time and they have to wait for me. They show their emotions, but they can't see mine, I could be angry or happy and no one would know. It's not the same as being a psychopath though.
I think about two things persistently, a work shop and man cave. The two things I think about the most. The man-cave has different developmental stages, you start out with a shoe box with hand held games consoles in it. Then you move on to the man-cavette, a furniture item that houses your games, it could be a side table that's dressed up as a bar in your living room or a cabinet and TV stand with all your consoles attached. Then the next stage would be the man-cave booth, that would be a small room like a walk in cupboard or shed with toys inside. Finally the full man-cave, a large room or empty space with all the trimmings, pool table, football table, Lazer projector and recliners with side tables for drinks and games controllers.
I'm at the man-cavette stage, I have a table in the corner of the sitting room that is dressed up as a bar and has some toys on it.
I'm not an evil snake like the psychopath on Netflix that tried to kill his wife but I'm not a saint either, just an ordinary man that day dreams about stuff.