What May 2020 Means to me

May has come to an end and this is the last bit of Spring. Me and everyone I know has made it through the 2020 Lockdown Spring so far. The stress level for me was the same as Jacob's spring the previous year when my son Jacob was born. My son changed from an infant to a toddler during the Spring lockdown and is nearly walking independently. 

The island of Great Britain and much of the world was still on lockdown to control the covid19 pandemic that emerged the previous winter although many countries including the United Kingdom loosened its lockdown rules towards the end of the month. My island nation lost many people to the virus, close to 40,000 last time I checked. 

Towards the end of the month a police officer arrested and crouched on a man's neck and caused his death. It was seen as a racist assault and triggered many riots throughout America. 

At the same time as the American riots, a Private company called SpaceX took astronauts into space and docked them with the international space station. It is the first time an independent company did such a thing. Elon musk is a clever guy but I think he is better at naming spaceships than people, I will leave it at that. I will cover the topic in more detail when I have more information. 

What is instore for June 2020? All I know is it is the start of summer. I know nothing else. 

Racism

A few days ago I learned that a police officer in America caused the death of a black man by crouching his knee into his neck. I got the impression that the cop was racist. 

If the man was white would he have crouched on his neck? Not sure. Its not fair really. I don't even think the man that was killed did anything wrong, I think the cheque was given to him and it wasn't fraudulent.

If you are reading this now and have experienced racism then I can only say I pity you because you were judged by your body and not your mind or character, that isn't fair. Keep your chin up if you can and remember that life is short and try to be optimistic. Look for excellence in yourself and rise above the prejudice. I can say no more. 

Lockdown Birthdays

The majority of my Family's birthdays are in Spring. Thanks to the 2020 lockdown spring, I missed all of them except my son's because we are in the same household. 

Yesterday was my father's birthday and I could not come. I felt bad but there was nothing I could do. I didn't want to bring any viruses into their home. Plus it is dangerous to drive on the duel carriageways these days and I didn't want my infant son to be exposed to any danger. Even trucks seem to be speeding these days. 

I was born in the middle of summer so there is some hope of a birthday party this year. We will see what happens. 

Racism in China

I learned not long ago that there is some racism occuring in China, I don't know the scale of it. I think they also have an issue with Christians. In my view, Jesus is blameless and kind to all so hating people that follow him is not logical to me. People did evil acts in the past in his name but they were the ones doing the deeds. 

I think there is four different types of racism. There is racism that is caused by ignorance, people are taught that an ethnic group are bad. There is racism that is caused by fear, people are afraid that an ethnic group are harmful to them and hate them. There is racism caused by racism, like a retaliation, someone experiences racism and wants to be racist back. Then there is racism caused by arrogance, one ethnic group thinks they are better then another ethnic group. I think there is a spectrum involved. Perhaps there is more than one type of racism inside a person, perhaps fear and ignorance together for example. 

It's not fair though, whatever reason a person has for being racist. A person is being judged by their body and not by their mind. No one wants to be judged by other people that don't know them in a negative way and no one wants to be discriminated against by other people. 

Maximum use

One thing that really makes me tick is when I get good use out of something. For example.

In my dream home; the veranda house, the grey water that comes out of the back of a washing machine and shower plughole gets stored in a tank and is used to flush the toilet. The soap and detergent suspended in the water helps to breakup the skid marks in the pipe and the water is used twice. That is Maximum use. 

I would also use metallic reflective wall paper so it reflects light from a dim light bulb over and over and over again so the room is still bright, that is maximum use.

When I drive my car I am learning Spanish at the same time, that is maximum use.  

When a person hates me and they look for a reason to get me fired by reading my entire blog, their web browser is telling the search engines that my blog has some kind of merit even though it is only the thoughts from my little world, that is maximum use. 

If you're thinking I am boring then I would say that it is true, I am the most boring man on earth. My super power is the ability to lul a crystal meth junkie to sleep just by talking. When I create things that are not popular it is a message to an older version of myself about what I am now and it also helps me not to be proud, God resists the proud and I would love God and his angels to help me out in life. Also I don't know very much so it would be nice to learn more things. 

Whether you hate me or just like to read stuff, welcome aboard my little boat. I am a boat heading for placid waters. 

Wheels to go

Since the Spring lockdown of 2020, I have noticed that car drivers are driving faster than ever because the roads are more empty. I try to follow the speed limits because it reduces the chances of an accident. I have seen many crashed cars on the side of the road and some were flipped upside down. Sometimes when I am driving I see cars approaching behind me at about 30mph and I am driving at 30mph so they are traveling at 60mph, twice the speed limit. 

In my little world there is no such thing as wasted time on the roads because I play audio CDs of language lessons. I learn Spanish while I drive. My car is literally a classroom on wheels and I have learnt most my Spanish from my car. 

I imagined the other day what a steering wheel would look like if I designed it. Well, I can tell you it would look awesome. The middle part of the steering wheel wouldn't rotate at all and it would house all the instruments, speedometer, rev speed, warning lights along side the air bag. The outside rim of the steering wheel would rotate freely and it would have rubber grooves on it. If I could I would even put cruise control buttons on it so you can press a speed and take your foot off the accelerator pedal. It would have several speeds in increments of 10mph or 10kph.

Nice little thought to have.  

Steering wheel

If I designed a steering wheel, it would have lots of unique features. The middle bit of the steering wheel would not turn and it would house all the instruments for driving and the air bag. 

The outside rim of the steering wheel turns normally. 

No time to divolge now, I will write more in the next post if nothing important happens today. 

Breezy Day

Jacob, my son. You seem to be doing very well and you are leaving your infancy. You can walk with assistance of one hand. The barrier between you walking unassisted is very thin. 

You are very eager to walk and reach out your hands to tell me you want to walk. 

It was while you were mastering walking that I was trying to find clippers to cut my hair. They are sold out everywhere and only the expensive ones are left. All the barbers are still closed because of the lockdown. It is like the whole of spring just came and went. The lockdown spring of 2020, everything just stopped. The spring you went from infant to toddler is the spring when the world was in crisis. April was particularly bad. Now summer has arrived and I don't know what will happen. 

Sanctified war

In my view,  most of the leaders in the past were crazy. They would go to war and take new lands then claim that their decision was sanctified by a God. They smear the name of God. The God they speak of is righteous,  blameless and is angered by war and destruction. 

Surely such a person would have the mark of The Beast. They steal, kill and destroy with lies and violence. It never ends well for any person that has that mark on them. Whether they think it with their minds or do it with their hands in ignorance. 

If people still do that in the future then nothing has changed. 

Remembering Massachusetts

Not long ago in the previous decade I went to a family wedding in the USA. They were living in westborough in the American state of Massachusetts. The city of Boston is inside the state of Massachusetts and New York state is nearby. 

I managed to visit Boston city twice. I saw many things. A saw the place where the American Revolution started and they revolted against the English. I also saw Atlantic avenue and their own big park and the costal areas. 

I went on their metro rail. They have three tracks. Not sure how they work though. I remember the lines are named after colours. They have the red line and the orange line and green line. I remember the green line was like a tram that goes below ground. It runs on the road then it doubles as a metro rail train and stops at Subway stations.  I used the commuter train to get from Westborough to Boston, the train has two floors and it was diesel powered, it was a huge monster of a train and the platforms are much lower than the platforms in the uk and people would just walk across the tracks to get to the other platform. I remember that commuter rail in the state of Massachusetts is coloured purple on the maps, not sure if it is the same in other American states. 

I see a IKEA

Sometimes when I am sitting with family members and watching a movie, I find it a bit boring so I imagine I am in an Ikea home store. I look at the wall paper and furniture in the movie and think about it. I think people don't notice the furniture and walls when they are watching movies, it's a Alan thing I guess. 

That is what IKEA is all about to me, just looking at all the room displays then buying a few boxes of batteries and utensils and eating in the restaurant. Eating the veggie meatballs and cheese sauce. 

I like the colour Green and Blue so I especially like the colour Turquoise, it seems to be both green and blue at the same time, a nice colour. I'm English so I spell "colour" like that if you were wondering. 

If I was in control of the decorations of a room I would pick a metallic shiny paint or wallpaper, not to show off but for practical reasons. If the walls were shiny then I could use weaker light bulbs that transmit only three or four hundred lumens and still have plenty of brightness. Last night I was looking at Metallic wall paper and paint on you tube. The gold paper is a bit too much for me but Metallic iridescent Turquoise is very nice. Worlth looking up I think, be careful though, youtube gets confused with phone wall paper and actual wall paper. 

Gentle Day

Jacob, My Son. You have changed me so much. Two days ago I was driving home from work and this lady was speeding behind me. I was driving at the speed limit and her car was approaching my car at a fast speed and then she was getting angry because I was in her way and she overtook my car when it wasn't safe over a small roundabout. If this had happened before you were born I would have been angry and sounded my car horn at the driver but I didn't care. I was just listening to my Spanish language CD that was teaching me Spanish and watching the road for hazards. 

Yesterday you climbed up my leg and opened your little mouth and puked into my slipper and on the floor. Again I was not angry at all. I just took a t-shirt that was getting rough and used it to clean up the puke. I don't give away my old clothes anymore because they get used to clean up messes. Infants are very messy. 

I like the new Alan, I like not feeling very angry. I hope you can one day have your own children and be liberated from long spurts of anger that come from living in this world. I would love to have more children in the future, if I can't I would adopt them and raise them as my own. 

What happened God?

It is written in the Scriptures that Lucifer rebelled against God and corrupted one third of all the angels in heaven. 

I would like to ask God what Lucifer did? What did he do? Did he try to destroy heaven? Did he teach the other angels to hate you? There is little detail about what actually happened. I would love for God to tell me how it all started. 

Telepathic Whale

I wonder what it would be like to form a telepathic link with a whale in the ocean. I wonder what they think about and I also wonder what they will think of me and my thoughts. Would my thoughts make any sense to them? And would it change them? Would we have a conversation? Would I understand what the whale is thinking? 

I also wonder what it would be like to be dunked in a tank full of styrofoam packaging peanuts, the soft twisted foam beads that were used to protect items that are sent through the post. Perhaps make a machine that hoists you on a rope and lowers you in. 

Calm night

Jacob, my son. We are approaching the end of spring. You have changed so much. You are close to walking independently, you can support your own weight and walk when your hands are being held but you haven't quite mastered balance just yet. It takes a bit of practice. It is during the Pandemic lockdown spring of 2020 that you were taking your first steps, a big milestone in a time of crisis. 

You bring me so much joy, you are an innocent being waiting to grow into a man.  I feel like I have a purpose. My purpose is to be the best dad that can be and try to bring you many happy memories. I will bring to you the best I can offer, my free time and love. 

I will teach you more than any teacher, I will bring you all the wisdom passed down from our ancestors and show you how to learn independently.  I pray to to that you have a happy, healthy and peaceful life. 

The mark of the Swiss

Earlier in the week I discovered that a Swiss company had developed a test kit for Covid19 that was 100% accurate. Most test kits give a false positive because they detect antibodies for other Corona viruses that are similar but harmless. I wasn't surprised that it was a Swiss company. They are good a making things, they are the European equivalent to the Japanese. 

There are men in this world that chase after women, even when they are married. There are men that chase after the thrill of driving fast. There are men that chase after respect and fear. I chase the Mark of the Swiss, excellence and modesty. I want to make things that are outstanding and bring joy to others and be a modest man that doesn't show off. The Swiss make a cheese that behaves like bread, they make trucks that hardly ever break down, they make mechanical wrist watches that are so good, they are more accurate that quartz crystal digital ones. The Swiss make the best Chocolates in the world. Everything they make is outstanding. 

My light box arrived yesterday, I will see what kind of animations I can make. What kind of things can I make that are amazing? 

Last bit of Spring

It is the last bit of Spring and summer is approaching. For some reason my life always seems to change in spring. I became a vegetarian in spring 2008 when there was a freak snow storm in April and had time to think about life. Last year was Jacob's spring when my son Jacob was born in the middle of Spring. Now I am on the Pandemic Lockdown spring of 2020 and realising that I can't rely on one source of income. I need a life style where I have more than one income. I am looking to be a multi trade man in the near future. I am  hoping to get incomes from the internet in the near future from my many creations. 

My island home of Britain was affected very badly by the virus because we treated it like a flu. The virus is more robust than flu viruses and it has a longer incubation time. In hindsight it would be much better if we tested many people to see if they already had the virus and locked down earlier. Perhaps closing down the airports would have helped. The key to fighting the virus is to obtain lots of good quality testing kits straight away. It is always the Swiss that make the best things in this world. 

Will we learn from what happened? Will we be prepared? I hope so. This world has many viruses amongst the creatures that live here and some of the viruses are more dangerous than Covid19. 

Super Daydream expanded

In a previous post I wrote about a daydream that I use as a tool to make me sleep or displace anxiety. It was so effective that I want to write more about it again.  I wasn't anxious this time, I was just wrestling with my self to sleep. Thinking about needing to sleep can cause the opposite to happen. 

It would seem silly to share it but it was very constructive and it is a favourite daydream of mine. I focused on one part of the daydream, a hidden metro rail system. 

If I was to build my dream home It would be a veranda house, a house with a porch that goes all the way around the building. All the floors of the house would be offset inwards slightly so it would look a bit like an Aztec pyramid, but with a veranda porch at the bottom. At bit like that. 

But all the way around. The inner walls would have a small space between them for 3 reasons. Insulation, ventilation and to harbour a small metro rail system. The metro rail would be on a slight slope so it would climb all four floors, basement, ground floor, bedroom floor and top floor with the happy zone (man cave and work shop). 

Why would I make a small hidden metro rail system in my custom build house? It would be both practical and fun. I park my car in the basement and it would be filled with drinks for the bar in my man cave, carrying boxes of cola and beer up 4 floors is a lot of work so I would use the train. Then there is the fun part. This would be on different levels, if you look at the house you would not know there is a metro rail system because it is hidden, I could have a guest in the sitting room and say let's take the train to my man cave called the happy zone. He would say, "what train?" I would say open that cupboard, he opens the cupboard to see it is not a cupboard but an entrance to a small train station, with all the fittings of a metro train station. He would see a small tack and tiled walls. There would be a map with four stations and an L.E.D display. I would look at the man's face an see the surprise. Then the tiny train would come into the station with four small cars that are only big enough for one person to sit in them. The surprise on the man's face would be so cool. 

Then there would be the fun of desiging it and slowly adding all the fittings. Knowing me, the train wouldn't actually run on the tracks but use the tracks to keep the train on path and the train would just be modified warehouse trolleys that have a body welded to them with doors that open and shut like train doors and an electric motor would be added that moves the train. 

Anyway, what I am saying is there was so many details in this daydream that it displaced all the throughts that were stopping me from sleeping and I was asleep within 15 minutes. 

My daydream was silly and constructive at the same time.

Super Daydream

Sometimes I can sleep and wake up after just two & half hours, my body would make me feel like I'm not tired but my mind knows better. You then find yourself wrestling with your mind because you are thinking you need to sleep but your body refuses to sleep because you are thinking about it. 

Well, yesterday was one of those days. The remedy I use to send me back to sleep is to turn on the TV and play a play list of videos that are interesting to me to make me drift off. The problem was I couldn't do that because my son was sleeping nearby and he is still an infant. 

Plan B is to just daydream about something. That is what I did. I daydreamed about two things. One was the name I would give to my child if I have a daughter in the future. I wondered if there was a good name that is completely unique. 

The other thing I daydreamed about was the "veranda house railway". The dream home in my mind is called the veranda house because it has an enclosed porch that goes all the way around. Inside the spaces between the walls of the house is a very small railway with trian cars that are just big enough for one person to sit in them. It is hidden in the house walls and can only be accessed through tiny train stations with doors that are disguised as cupboards. 

The day dream worked. I went back to sleep. I will expand on the day dream later. 

Gloves off

Not long ago I learned that there was an injury called a degloved scrotum, this is an injury where the scrotum is ripped off and the testicles are left exposed to the air. I would rather have a covid19 infection than have such an injury. 

How would a man with a degloved scrotum get fixed? First he would need to dig his scrotum out of the vacuum cleaner, then he would need to clean the dust off. Then he would need to walk to the hospital with his legs wide apart. Imagine the stitches needed to reattach it? They should just use one of those hand held sewing machines from the 90s. Hmmm

Light Box

One thing I have never done is made a classic hand animation, I think a key tool to use would be a light box. It is also good for copying things. 

They still sell them on Amazon. I will have a look for one and see how far I can be take this hobby. 

Wouldn't it be good if a guy could turn into an endless fountain of creation, constantly trying to make things. 

calm day

Jacob, my son. If you want to know what you were like in your second spring in this world, I can tell you. 

Half of you baby teeth have emerged, most of your front ones are fully visible. You can walk with assistance and like to jump up and down when you are on your feet. You have lots of toys but you seem more interested in the tumble drier and TV stand. You also seem to love music and dance when you hear it. You love to explore things and crawl into small spaces like the gap between the couch and the wall. 

You can eat adult food and seem to like adult food more than baby food. You are very determined to speak and sometimes use your hands in your mouth to create sounds. You can say Daddy, Muma, No and Hey. 

When I open the front door, you crawl towards the door very quickly and have an excited expression on your face, but you don't like direct sunlight. I guess it is just another place to explore. 

I have so much to learn about you my son. I will do my best to give you a happy life. 

cool night

Jacob, my son. What story do you have for me? I have no idea what the world will be like when you are able to read this. I don't even know if I will still be alive, every day is a hazard to life in this world.  I hope you have a happy story. 

I hope your world is more simple and happy than my one. I just want to cut my hair right now, it is sticking in my ears already. And I want to go to a cafe and sit down amongst lots of people and hear the sounds of many people to talking and drink strong coffee. At the end of this month is my Dad's birthday, will I be free to celebrate with him? I don't know. 

Set apart

One thing I have clarity about is that I am very different to most people so all the things I create are not valued by most people, and the things most people like are not valued by me. 

For instance, I am a man but I hate football and find it very boring. I am left handed, most people are right handed. I watch videos that challenge you not to laugh and I win because they are not funny to me, I see someone falling over and then I think that gravity has pulled them down and I don't understand why it is funny. People send me videos of people doing pranks in lifts and I feel sad because I see everyone laughing and I don't find it funny at all. Sometimes I wonder if I even belong on this planet. I don't like star wars, I don't like any of the star wars movies, I don't understand how hundreds of troopers can fail to shoot a small group of people, they hit everything with their Lazer guns except the people they are aiming at. The whole movie franchise makes me sleep. 

That is why my creations are not very popular, because most people are very different to me. But I intend to continue making them because there are people like me in this world but they are minority and I am very patient and I love creating things. 

Even if one in one hundred people like what I do, that is still a lot of people, I will continue to make public things and be patient. I will save a small bottle of whiskey for when my youtube channel has 100 subscribers, there is 67 of them at the moment. 

I am not popular and I'm not bright but I am very patient, that is my best virtue that I have. I won't try to force people to like my creations, I will just leave them in plain sight and wait. 

New creation

Over the last 4 or 5 days I created a short documentary video entirely on my phone for the second time. It is the first time I made such a video on my present phone and I think the microphone on this phone is better than my previous phone. The video is called 5 things that are hidden. 

Alanasis ~ 5 things that are hidden

I used a video editing app called cyberlink director. And I made most of the graphics myself including the drawings. 

I define myself as a boat that is heading for placid waters. A being that likes to have a peaceful existence and I like to take passengers into my little world. I created many things that dilute the poisonous thoughts in this world with better thoughts that are more happy and peaceful. 

If I have to wait for a short time then you will find me making something while I wait. If there is one thing I can be grateful for, it is that I am able to make some things that go around the world. 

The Gray Zone

I gave a name for my lifestyle, I call it the gray zone because I work full time to pay bills and don't have the capacity to do what I want to do. I want to have a man cave for leisure and a workshop to build things in and the time on my hands to be there. However I have enough food to eat and I have a home to live in. That is what the Gray zone is, it is getting by ok. It is being ok and that is it. 

I aim for the Happy Zone. The happy zone is where I do have the capacity to do what I want to do. You don't have to be rich to be in the Happy Zone although it is an effective tool. You just need to find a way to get there. There is also the Golden Zone, this zone is where you don't need to work at all. All of your time is liesure time and you have everything that you need. It is the opposite to the destitution zone, on this zone you live in poverty and don't have enough food to eat. 

So it is like this...

Destitution zone, poverty and hardship

Gray Zone, Being ok but always busy

Happy zone, Freedom for joy 

Golden Zone, Having it made. Everything you want. 

I imagined being in the happy zone and meeting a person that was always in the golden zone and is still unhappy. I would say "hi my brother man, why are you crying?" And he would say money doesn't buy you happyness. Then I would say maybe you are right. Then I would go back into my home skipping with joy because I have a workshop (room) to build things and the time to do it. Then the next day I would come out to the crying golden zone man and say "my brother-man, have a nice cup of coffee, I used ground beans and and syrup and wipe those tears of your Farrari and keep your chin up. Then he would say, "you can afford a better car than a Honda Accord, why don't you get a better car?", and I would say, "What is wrong with a Honda Accord?". I don't need a mega Yacht to be happy, I don't need a supercar, I don't need a gold plated bath tub to be happy. 

I need freedom to do the things that make me happy and that is it. My man cave to play in and my workshop to build things in. That is the Happy Zone. I am fighting to get me and my family into the happy zone, to escape from the gray zone. 

Float it

I mentioned earlier in this blog that there is a place in my head called "Lemon valley" , where I put thought machines that don't work. Well, the most common type of thing you would find there is floating panels that don't float. Allow me to explain. 

I worked out the typical volume of the inside of a glass jar (π r2 * h), it is about one quarter of a cubed meter. I estimated the air inside would weigh about the weight of a plum. If the glass of the jar was just 1 millimeter thick and all the air removed from inside then the jar would weigh less than the air, but the air pressure would smash the thin glass because there is no air inside pushing outwards. While the glass jar is inside a vacuum chamber it is lighter than air and would float in the air if the glass was strong enough, but it isn't. If the glass was normal thickness it would harbour a vacuum without breaking but it would be heavier than the air and wouldn't float. 

To solve this problem I thought of putting a jar in a jar and the outer jar has half air pressure and the inner jar would be a vacuum. In my head this also won't work because as soon as you get enough strength you would be left with a jar that is heavier than air. 

I can tell you there is hundreds of other ways I thought of and they are all in Lemon Valley but some of them may not belong there. I would need to build the rig myself to see. 

This is why I feel angry when rich people say money doesn't buy you happyness. Everything I want to do costs money, space  and time. I don't have money, space or time on my hands to even try to build any of the machines in my head. The freedom to try would make me happy. Even if they didn't work in reality I would be happy and keep trying. 

I am happy by default, it is being trapped in the gray zone that holds back joy. 

Adolf Assassination

If I had created a time machine and assassinated Adolf Hitler before he had become the leader of Germany then perhaps the Holocaust would never happen. But I would still be a murderer, right? 

The problem is if I kill Adolf then the motive to kill him also gets destroyed. If Adolf is dead then he doesn't create the so called final solution and I don't need to make a time machine stop him and then he is free to live and destroy. Then I do go back and then I don't the event becomes like a flickering light that goes on and off continuously for eternity. 

It is very good that I'm not telepathic because people would just walk up to me and tell me to stop thinking, they would say think-up instead of shut up and give me a bottle of vodka to switch off my restless mind. 

Cross rail

I think that building cross rail is a bad idea. Cross rail is a new railway being built in Britain, It goes from reading to shenfield and cuts through London. There is already a railway from reading to London. Why are we building more railways when many of the existing railways still have Diesel trains running on them? Wouldn't it be better to electrify the existing railways fully first? No? 

If you are wondering why the Scots value the EU more than the UK then I would say this is one of those reasons. It is like the north and west side of the island doesn't exist in parliament. Most of the investment in infrastructure is going to Southern England and the rest of the island gets the crumbs left over. The funding is disproportionate yet there is more room for growth in the other parts of Britain. 

If it was my choice, I would build frames above the railway tracks that support solar panels and small compact wind turbines, that would bring down the cost of running the railways because the sunlight shining on the solar panels would contribute to the power of trains and I would make sure that every last bit of tracks are electrified before I build a single railway on the island. There shouldn't still be diesel powered trains running on this island, they are slow to accelerate and can't go as fast as electric trains. Diesel trains are more heavy than electric trains so they put more pressure on the tracks and shorten the lifespan of the tracks more than electric trains I think. 

I get things wrong often but right now that is what I think. I am only writing the truth from my perspective. No facts are on this post just an ordinary man's opinion. 

Lemon Valley

I'm walking through Lemon valley again, a place in my mind where I put thought experiments that I think don't work. I never gave the place a name before because I never wrote about it. If there is a thing or a place inside your head then you don't need to give it a name unless you write about it to an older version of yourself on a public blog that no one has time to read. 

Anyway, there are a few machines in lemon valley that I'm not sure belong there. I need to build them to be sure. The best thing about building a machine as an experiment would be that failure is always an option. Even if it doesn't work then I would gain insight. I need a workshop to try though. I gain from lemon valley because I'm not in control of the world around me but I can escape in this place.. 

There is no people in there, no hate, no lies, no confusion, no chaos, just focused thoughts that come to an end through the atrophy of reality. A gentle flowing place.